This Picture Sucks


and so do yours

#7. Nude amateurs

I have absolutely no problem with this, as long as you’re trying. I’ve probably have seen more black vag, cellulite, droopy tits and stretch marks than a doctor. Easy to avoid, and it might even get you laid. Remember, you’re a photographer, not a court stenographer. You don’t care about the truth.

Usually I post a picture here, I’m gonna try to have at least one site on the internet that doesn’t get hit by porn filters, alright?

It’s simple: Take pretty much any woman in the world who’s under 40, doesn’t matter if she’s 200 pounds overweight, had 5 kids or whatever. Put her next to a big window with some white curtains, have her stand against a wall, get her to stretch out and *bam*, you’re two steps away from being your podunk town’s Helmut Newton. You know what else works? A bed. You can use the sheets to cover up what needs to be covered up, your model can relax, you can have a great time and get some sweet shots.

Instead, you managed to talk her out of her bra thanks to two bottles cab souv and some daddy issues. It’s 2 in the morning, you’re in a hotel room, and you’re shooting her with an on-camera flash and a kit lens. To get it more wrong, you’d probably have to break her nose, then call the police to report a rape. I mean, Terry Richardson can get away with that. He can also get away with shots of the models blowing him. You can’t.

Or you decided to rent a studio. Part of you wants to be able to use a wide palette of tools and create an optimal lighting solution. Most of you just wants to make an impression, after all, gear makes a professional, right? So you set up a softbox or two, maybe a grid for the background, maybe a snoot. Hook up a PC cable and deliver 2000Ws of failure as you record every imperfection, pore and scar. If you’re reading this, you’re not that good yet. Try again later.

And please god, no black backgrounds.

Save yourself the money and just find a window.


Filed under: thelist

2 Responses

  1. u says:

    and the matter is, terry uses a fuckload of gear to get that “snapshot flash” look. you cant afford that also, emotionally

  2. Jan Schjetne says:

    Here’s a great example for you:
    NSFW, but I guess that would have gone without saying 🙂

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